Simply Deep.

I’m at a weird place in my life right now. I’ve got one foot placed firmly, pointing in the direction I’d like to go in, pointing to where I’d like to be. I have yet to lift the other foot and take a stride. It’s lingering, procrastinating, but it knows EXACTLY where it needs to be. My emotions are all over the place right now. In general, I would say I’m content. Not yet entirely happy and definitely not at peace, but I’ve caught hold of contentment and it’s never let me come up this close before.

There are times where I want nothing more but to sit and cry. Not because I’m sad, I spent a number of years in sadness, but because I feel alive. Something like when Pinocchio checks, touches, feels his body because he knows that he is now a boy. He is awake and brought to the attention of the fact that he is a boy; I am awake and it has been brought to my attention that I am alive.

I feel like I am actually going somewhere, and I definitely have some goals now, both long-term and short-term. I’ve never, ever had a short-term goal. Never been able to fix a long-term because I’ve never actually been about to decide what exactly it is that I want to do. Always at conflict with myself. I know what I want to do now: I want to write. Now that I know what it feels like to have unbridled, unwavering, intense, undiluted passion for a thing; to feel safe and completely secure in that thing; to have something, that thing, set you free, show you how utterly beautiful it is to be alive in any given moment - I know what love is. I am in love with literature: literature, I love you.

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tags #writing #literature #my life #thoughts #personal